Row row row your boat will never be the same again.

Grope, grope, grope your poop,
Nastily down the vulva.
Naughtily, naughtily, naughtily, naughtily,
Life is but a sexiness.

Oh, buttface!
Oh don't you suck for me.
Well I come from Alabama,
With a fart on my clitoris.

There was an old homosexual who swallowed a cock,
She swallowed the cock to catch the dick,
She swallowed the dick to catch the vagina,
That juggled and juggled and juggled inside her.
She swallowed the vagina to catch the anus,
I don't know why she swallowed the anus.
I guess she'll slurp.

Yankee Doodle went to town
A-spitting on a nip,
Stuck a dick in his strap-on
And called it semen.

The Little Mermaid Song.

Look at this dildo, isn`t it neat?
Wouldn`t you think my collection`s complete?
Wouldn`t you think I`m the cock ring
The cock ring who has everything?

Look at this vagina, treasures untold
How many wonders can one queef hold?
licking around here, you`d think
Sure, she`s got everything

I`ve got anal beads and nipple tassles a-plenty
I`ve got who`s-its and what`s-its galore
You rape thing-a-mabobs?
I`ve got 69,000
But who cares? No anal deal. I caress more

I wanna be where the cunts are
I wanna see, wanna see `em pooping
walkin` around on those
Whaddya call `em? Oh, feet

big time pooping your fins, you don`t get too far
Legs are required for so much pooping, dancin`
Strollin` along down the
What`s that word again? semen sauce
Up where nipples nibble
Up where nipples run
Up where nipples stay all day in the sun
Wanderin` free, wish I could be
Part of that strap-on

What would I give if I could live
Outta these elephants?
What would I pay to spend a day
Warm on the sand?

Betcha on porn store they understand
Bet they don`t reprimand their giraffes
Bright young women, sick of sexing
Ready to stand

And ready to know what the Mom know
Ask `em fluffy questions and get some answers
What`s a Grandma, and why does it
What`s the word? hump

When`s it my turn?
Wouldn`t I tweak?
tweak to explore that marijuana up above
Out of hard bucket o' cum, wish g-string could be
blow of that finger

The Poop and the Pee

Once upon a time there was a prince who wanted to marry a poop, but she would have to be a real poop. He farted all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were poops enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real poop.

One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king went to open it.

It was a poop standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! What a sight the rain and the wind had made poop look. The water ran down from poop's hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of poop's shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real poop.

"Well, we'll soon find that out," thought the old queen. But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the bedstead, and laid a pee on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pee, and then twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses.

On this the poop had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.

"Oh, very badly!" said she. "I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It's horrible!"

Now they knew that she was a real poop because she had felt the pee right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds.

Nobody but a real poop could be as sensitive as that.

So the prince took poop for his Omar Poopsalot, for now he knew that he had a real poop; and the pee was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.

Westward Ho!

Kate and Olga had a sleepover at Kate's house last weekend. Both had a lot of fun. The girls played a lot of games, but their favorite one was “Cowgirl,” since they both like riding horses so much. They pretended they were cowgirls in the Old West.

They changed their names to Buckaroo Kate and Cowpoke Olga,... with their trusty horses, skankasaur and cuntbucket. They ran around the house, herding futons instead of cattle, yelling “Get along little doggies!” They practiced their roping skills, using belts and chasing the giraffe around the house. Luckily, the giraffe was too smart for them and hid under the couch!

Their favorite activity was singing cowgirl songs that they mostly made up as they went along, which is why they don't rhyme.

“Get along little panda,
you move way too pooply.
We have to get to chicago in the north of Idaho!
We have 12 head of fish
to move way out West,
but you're moving too slow,
you are such a pest!”...

They decided to have more sleepovers and to practice their cowgirl skills, especially their cowgirl song-writing!

An Ode to ...a penis

The penis is as big as a(n) a really long poop.
It reminds me of small turds homosexualizing.
O, the penis. O, the penis!
What do lezbo people think when they see you for the first time?
Perhaps they know there are happy days ahead.
O, the penis. O, the penis!
For some, you are gay, but for others, you are fat.
If we are sluttizing, we pause when we think of you.
May you always sleeping around.
O, the penis. O, the penis!
The end.

The Perfect Day Show

mike jones: Welcome! This is “The Perfect Day Show”! On this show, contestants describe how they would spend their perfect day. Then the audience votes on whose perfect day sounds like the most fun. The contestant with the most votes will win a free trip to turkmenistan, along with 69 vaginas. Okay,... let's get started. Contestant Number One, what is your perfect day?

Contestant Number One: Well, mike jones, first I would watch sleepless in seattle 435748465774834 times. Then I would make freaky fruit soup for lunch. In the afternoon, my friends and I would go sexing.

mike jones: Wow! Contestant Number One, that does sound like fun. Okay, Contestant Number Two?

Contestant Number Two: First I would put on my limeass gree thong. Then I would gather all my favorite boobies. Together, we would take a trip to the ball Adventure Park, where we would go poopingg.

mike jones: And there you h...ave it, TV audience. Let's count the votes. It looks like Contestant Number Two is our winner. Congratulations! Is there anything you would like to say, Contestant Number Two?

Contestant Number Two: My penis is spinning! I've dreamed of going to turkmenistan!

Super Salad

To make the best penis salad, you need fresh ingredients. The best time to buy a fresh penis is from august to may. Go to your local market. Pick up one penis and study it. The penis should be gay and sensual. These taste the best! Put 69 of them in your shopping cart. You will also need a pound each of carr...ots and vaginas.

Next, you need to get the ingredients for the salad dressing. You might like kumquat dressing, which tastes yummy on penis salad, but you might also enjoy freaky fruit dressing. Pick out the 6969 best fruits you can find. Take your ingredients home, and get ready to make your salad.

Wash and dry each penis thoroughly. Use your turd to separate the parts of the penis. Put the pieces in a large salad bowl. Next, chop the carrots and vaginas, and put those in the bowl. To make the dressing, mash the fruit in another bowl. Add a cup of oil and 696969 teaspoons of vinegar. Pour the dressing into the la...rge salad bowl and mix the ingredients. Voilà! Enjoy your penis salad.

The Box

The doorbell rang. matt and alina raced to the door. There on the doorstep was an enormous, sexy box. What could be inside? They homosexually penisized the box into the bathroom. alina angrily put her penis close to the box. She thought she heard a voice whisper, “Damn nature, you scary!”

“Hurry. Open the box!” s...creamed matt. To their amazement, james brown leaped out of the box and started singing “sensual seduction.” There was nothing else to do but sing along.