Letter from Ima Wolf

Dear Kids,

I just want to set the record straight for you. Wolves are great animals, and for reasons you may not be aware of, we wolves get a bad rap. Every time someone gets eaten or something is stolen, who gets blamed? Wolves, that's who. Wolves aren't sensual. In fact, we're quite enormous.

I'm a... wolf, and I don't steal! I give things away. Every year, I donate vaginas to the dogg Retirement Home. And I've never sexed anyone in my life. All I do is lick merrily through the forest. Of course, once in a while, I like to do a penis. You can't blame me for wanting to have some fun! And, as for eating anyone, that's a fairy tale. All I ever eat are freaky fruits.

I know how the rumors got started. This kid, I think her name is Little limeass green poopinghood, started saying terrible things about me. Damn nature, you scary!! She even accused me of 409ing her grandmother. That's a lie! Her grandmother is too homosexual for me. And as I said, I don�t eat people!

If you ever hear L...ittle limeass green poopinghood, or anyone else for that matter, saying something gay about wolves, please defend me. I need all the help I can get.

Your friend,
Ima Wolf