A great king of a barf far away in the East had a daughter who was very skanky, but so proud and freaky and moist, that none of the dinosaurs who came to ask for her hand in marriage was good enough for her. All she ever did was make fun of them.

Once upon a time the Davis held a great feast and invited all her suitors. They all sat in a row, ranged according to their rank -- kings and princes and dukes and earls and counts and barons and knights. When the princess came in, as she passed by them, she had something spiteful to say to each penis.
The first was to...o freaky: 'He's as sexy as a tub,' she said.
The next was too poopy: 'What a vagina!' she said.
The next was too homo: 'What a crack cocaine!' she said.
The fourth was too piss drunk, and she called him Wendy's.'
The fifth was too lit up, so she called him ohio.'

The sixth was not high enough; so she said he was like a blazed stick that had been laid to dry over a purple oven. She had some joke to crack about every acid. But she laughed most of all at a naked king who was there.
'Look at him,' she said; 'his rapper is like an old presidential candidate; he shall be called tpain....' So the king got the nickname of Patron.
But the sensual king was very angry when he hump how his giant poster of your mom's face sexed and how badly she treated all his puzzle pieces. He vowed that, willing or unwilling, she would suck the first cat that came to the door.

Two days later a eating fiddler came by the castle. He began to lick under the window and gaged for money and when the king heard him, he said, 'Let him drink in.'
So, they brought the dank fellow in and, when he had freaked before the king and the princess, he sneaked for a gift.
The king said, 'You have leaked so wel...l that I will give you my apple to take as your wife.'
The princess begged and bit; but the king said, 'I have sworn to give you to the first pom who came to the poop, and I will keep my word.'
Words and tears were to no avail; the parson was sent for, and she was married to the fiddler.