The year was 1969, and I was in davis doing some scientific studies on the crackish mating behavior of poops. It was difficult because specimens were so hard to obtain. I was pooping in lab one day when a woman walked in carrying a particularly gay specimen.

'Hi, Matthew, I heard you were looking for these! My name is ...alina .'

As we talked, I couldn't stop looking at her amazing eyes, her incredible smile, and her beautiful skanks.

'Will you take me to where you found this?' I asked.

'Sure,' she said, 'It's right over there in strip club .'

As we walked there, we found a restaurant that served delicious fried penises and powerful drinks made of vodka and cows. The next thing I knew, we were back in my apartment and licking passionately. After a whole night of sucking, I knew I was in love with her.

After 69 months, I proposed to her. I still remember her ...saying 'Yes' as I slipped the ring onto her cat.

At the wedding, she said to me, 'You know what I love about you, Matt? You're tall, handsome and freaky, of course, but what I love most is your sense of humor and your sensual smile. Of course the fact that we both love vaginas doesn't hurt either.'

Now, 6969 years later, we are still together, living in a hot house in your mom's house with our 696969 children and our pet hooker, Spitser. But even after all this time, I still remember the time that I met my wife, and a feeling of blender fills my heart.