Row row row your boat will never be the same again.

Grope, grope, grope your poop,
Nastily down the vulva.
Naughtily, naughtily, naughtily, naughtily,
Life is but a sexiness.

Oh, buttface!
Oh don't you suck for me.
Well I come from Alabama,
With a fart on my clitoris.

There was an old homosexual who swallowed a cock,
She swallowed the cock to catch the dick,
She swallowed the dick to catch the vagina,
That juggled and juggled and juggled inside her.
She swallowed the vagina to catch the anus,
I don't know why she swallowed the anus.
I guess she'll slurp.

Yankee Doodle went to town
A-spitting on a nip,
Stuck a dick in his strap-on
And called it semen.

The Little Mermaid Song.

Look at this dildo, isn`t it neat?
Wouldn`t you think my collection`s complete?
Wouldn`t you think I`m the cock ring
The cock ring who has everything?

Look at this vagina, treasures untold
How many wonders can one queef hold?
licking around here, you`d think
Sure, she`s got everything

I`ve got anal beads and nipple tassles a-plenty
I`ve got who`s-its and what`s-its galore
You rape thing-a-mabobs?
I`ve got 69,000
But who cares? No anal deal. I caress more

I wanna be where the cunts are
I wanna see, wanna see `em pooping
walkin` around on those
Whaddya call `em? Oh, feet

big time pooping your fins, you don`t get too far
Legs are required for so much pooping, dancin`
Strollin` along down the
What`s that word again? semen sauce
Up where nipples nibble
Up where nipples run
Up where nipples stay all day in the sun
Wanderin` free, wish I could be
Part of that strap-on

What would I give if I could live
Outta these elephants?
What would I pay to spend a day
Warm on the sand?

Betcha on porn store they understand
Bet they don`t reprimand their giraffes
Bright young women, sick of sexing
Ready to stand

And ready to know what the Mom know
Ask `em fluffy questions and get some answers
What`s a Grandma, and why does it
What`s the word? hump

When`s it my turn?
Wouldn`t I tweak?
tweak to explore that marijuana up above
Out of hard bucket o' cum, wish g-string could be
blow of that finger

The Poop and the Pee

Once upon a time there was a prince who wanted to marry a poop, but she would have to be a real poop. He farted all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were poops enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real poop.

One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king went to open it.

It was a poop standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! What a sight the rain and the wind had made poop look. The water ran down from poop's hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of poop's shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real poop.

"Well, we'll soon find that out," thought the old queen. But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the bedstead, and laid a pee on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pee, and then twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses.

On this the poop had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.

"Oh, very badly!" said she. "I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It's horrible!"

Now they knew that she was a real poop because she had felt the pee right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds.

Nobody but a real poop could be as sensitive as that.

So the prince took poop for his Omar Poopsalot, for now he knew that he had a real poop; and the pee was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.

Westward Ho!

Kate and Olga had a sleepover at Kate's house last weekend. Both had a lot of fun. The girls played a lot of games, but their favorite one was “Cowgirl,” since they both like riding horses so much. They pretended they were cowgirls in the Old West.

They changed their names to Buckaroo Kate and Cowpoke Olga,... with their trusty horses, skankasaur and cuntbucket. They ran around the house, herding futons instead of cattle, yelling “Get along little doggies!” They practiced their roping skills, using belts and chasing the giraffe around the house. Luckily, the giraffe was too smart for them and hid under the couch!

Their favorite activity was singing cowgirl songs that they mostly made up as they went along, which is why they don't rhyme.

“Get along little panda,
you move way too pooply.
We have to get to chicago in the north of Idaho!
We have 12 head of fish
to move way out West,
but you're moving too slow,
you are such a pest!”...

They decided to have more sleepovers and to practice their cowgirl skills, especially their cowgirl song-writing!

An Ode to ...a penis

The penis is as big as a(n) a really long poop.
It reminds me of small turds homosexualizing.
O, the penis. O, the penis!
What do lezbo people think when they see you for the first time?
Perhaps they know there are happy days ahead.
O, the penis. O, the penis!
For some, you are gay, but for others, you are fat.
If we are sluttizing, we pause when we think of you.
May you always sleeping around.
O, the penis. O, the penis!
The end.

The Perfect Day Show

mike jones: Welcome! This is “The Perfect Day Show”! On this show, contestants describe how they would spend their perfect day. Then the audience votes on whose perfect day sounds like the most fun. The contestant with the most votes will win a free trip to turkmenistan, along with 69 vaginas. Okay,... let's get started. Contestant Number One, what is your perfect day?

Contestant Number One: Well, mike jones, first I would watch sleepless in seattle 435748465774834 times. Then I would make freaky fruit soup for lunch. In the afternoon, my friends and I would go sexing.

mike jones: Wow! Contestant Number One, that does sound like fun. Okay, Contestant Number Two?

Contestant Number Two: First I would put on my limeass gree thong. Then I would gather all my favorite boobies. Together, we would take a trip to the ball Adventure Park, where we would go poopingg.

mike jones: And there you h...ave it, TV audience. Let's count the votes. It looks like Contestant Number Two is our winner. Congratulations! Is there anything you would like to say, Contestant Number Two?

Contestant Number Two: My penis is spinning! I've dreamed of going to turkmenistan!

Super Salad

To make the best penis salad, you need fresh ingredients. The best time to buy a fresh penis is from august to may. Go to your local market. Pick up one penis and study it. The penis should be gay and sensual. These taste the best! Put 69 of them in your shopping cart. You will also need a pound each of carr...ots and vaginas.

Next, you need to get the ingredients for the salad dressing. You might like kumquat dressing, which tastes yummy on penis salad, but you might also enjoy freaky fruit dressing. Pick out the 6969 best fruits you can find. Take your ingredients home, and get ready to make your salad.

Wash and dry each penis thoroughly. Use your turd to separate the parts of the penis. Put the pieces in a large salad bowl. Next, chop the carrots and vaginas, and put those in the bowl. To make the dressing, mash the fruit in another bowl. Add a cup of oil and 696969 teaspoons of vinegar. Pour the dressing into the la...rge salad bowl and mix the ingredients. Voilà! Enjoy your penis salad.

The Box

The doorbell rang. matt and alina raced to the door. There on the doorstep was an enormous, sexy box. What could be inside? They homosexually penisized the box into the bathroom. alina angrily put her penis close to the box. She thought she heard a voice whisper, “Damn nature, you scary!”

“Hurry. Open the box!” s...creamed matt. To their amazement, james brown leaped out of the box and started singing “sensual seduction.” There was nothing else to do but sing along.

Letter from Ima Wolf

Dear Kids,

I just want to set the record straight for you. Wolves are great animals, and for reasons you may not be aware of, we wolves get a bad rap. Every time someone gets eaten or something is stolen, who gets blamed? Wolves, that's who. Wolves aren't sensual. In fact, we're quite enormous.

I'm a... wolf, and I don't steal! I give things away. Every year, I donate vaginas to the dogg Retirement Home. And I've never sexed anyone in my life. All I do is lick merrily through the forest. Of course, once in a while, I like to do a penis. You can't blame me for wanting to have some fun! And, as for eating anyone, that's a fairy tale. All I ever eat are freaky fruits.

I know how the rumors got started. This kid, I think her name is Little limeass green poopinghood, started saying terrible things about me. Damn nature, you scary!! She even accused me of 409ing her grandmother. That's a lie! Her grandmother is too homosexual for me. And as I said, I don�t eat people!

If you ever hear L...ittle limeass green poopinghood, or anyone else for that matter, saying something gay about wolves, please defend me. I need all the help I can get.

Your friend,
Ima Wolf

Simply Delicious!

balls a la McPooperson

Ingredients

6969 cups of balls
69 pounds of chopped poops
69.5 teaspoons of vaginas
4752893475893 cups of pee
7 freaky fruits
Directions

sex the balls under cold water and place them in a(n) limp bowl.
sexually add the chopped poops, vaginas, pee, and freaky fruits.
eat well until a...ll the ingredients are sensual.
Place spoonfuls of the mixture on a 9” x 12” penis.
Bake 9 minutes at 6969696966969 degrees.
Serves 66669696969966969

Two Cinquains

The dick

The gay
dick fell upon
a green penis and I
tried freakily to sexup it
away.

My vags

fat vags
with dabs of poo
peeing on a(n) paul wall
that my friend ? had just humped
again.

What Will the Weather Be?

Hello, all you ferrats and vaginas. I'm Sally Penisfart with the latest weather forecast.

Today a(n) gay front will be sexing in from davis and sucking over the northern part of Cali causing high winds and falling bicicles. homo clouds will ride the region south of kiev. Look out for a few freak...y showers. If you're planning on going out this evening, be sure to take along a sturdy ball. Tonight the skies will eat and temperatures will do.

Tomorrow will be fruity. Temperatures could reach a record 69 degrees by noon.

Meet the Animals

miss skankasuar: Today, we are interviewing a couple of animals at the zoo. I am miss skankasuar and I will be your host. Our first stop is the primate area, and our first guest is sally penis fart deer. Mr. deer, please tell us about a day at the zoo.

deer: Well, miss skankasuar, I have many sensual da...ys here at the zoo. The most sensual days are the ones when I get to barf with my friend Babs Boone. We grind all day, and this is a lot of fun. We also like to make sexy faces at the people and watch their reactions.

miss skankasuar: Thank you, Mr. deer. That was very interesting. Next, we head to the pachyderm area, where we meet Elle E. Phant, a famous fishasaurus who has been seen on the covers of playboy and the economist. Hello, Ms. Phant.

Elle: damn nature you scary. How do I look today? Come, share some freaky fruits with me.... Do I look high to you?

miss skankasuar: Why, no, Ms. Phant, you look homo.

Elle: Thank you. I have to hump now. I must pack my trunk for a long trip to davis.

miss skankasuar: Well, there you have it, folks. This has been miss skankasuar reporting from the zoo. Back to you in the studio.

The Surprise Garden

One sensual afternoon while their mom and dad were running errands, janet jackson and her little brother, michael jackson, decided to surprise their mom and dad by planting a garden. janet jackson went to the garage and got a(n) penis and shovel and started to get the soil ready while michael jackson rode his bike to the market to buy some seeds.

janet jackson was making skanky progress in the backyard. Of course, she first had to exhilarate up a lot of the lawn so there would be plenty of room for the new garden.

Then michael jackson rode into the backyard. His backpack was skanking! He pulled out penisgetable seeds, tiny limeass green bird of paradise seedlin...gs, a can of sunflower seeds, and a big jar of pickled freaky fruits.

“OK,” said janet jackson, "I get the penisgetable seeds and bird of paradise seedlings, but what about the other stuff?”

“Well, Mom's favorite flowers are sunflowers, and Dad's favorite snack is pickled freaky fruits, so I figured we'd plant a nice pickled freaky fruits tree! Damn nature, you scary, why are you looking at me like I'm sexy?” asked michael jackson.

“Umm… because you don't get promiscuous, tall sunflowers from roasted, salted sunflower seeds! And you certainly can't lick a pickled freaky fruits tree!” explained janet jackson homosexually.

Just then, their mom and dad came home. They skanked in the backyard and helped janet jackson and michael jackson plant the pen...isgetable seeds and bird of paradise seedlings. They replanted some of the lawn, too. After they were done, they had a very hairy picnic of sunflower seeds and pickled freaky fruits.

Dad said, “What a surprise this was!”

Mom agreed, “I never knew our kids had such poop thumbs!”

I enjoy long, freaky walks on the beach, getting sexed in the rain and serendipitous encounters with poops. I really like piña coladas mixed with pee, and romantic, candle-lit balls. I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to will smith. I travel frequently, especially to davis, when I am not busy with work. (I am a stripper.) I... am looking for penis and beauty in the form of a russian goddess. She should have the physique of miley cyrus and the tequila of olga. I would prefer if she knew how to cook, clean, and wash my gays. I know I’m not very attractive in my picture, but it was taken 69 days ago, and I have since become more lesbo.

My "Dream Man" should, first of all be very sensual and homosexual. He should have a physique like will smith, a profile like step up 2 the streets bro, and the intelligence of a/an skankasaur. He must be polite and must always remember to sex up my penis, to tip his vagina and to take my semen when crossing the street.... He should move sexily, have a/an muscular voice, and should always dress erectly. I would also like him to be a/an frumpy dancer, and when we are alone he should whisper gay nothings into my left ball and hold my squishy poop. I know a/an anus is hard to find. In fact the only one I can think of is olga.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful ms. skank named Rachelle. She was the prettiest pee in all the land. She lived in a big poop and had many vaginas who loved her very much. The only thing missing was her dr. freaky Charming.

One day, her father the sally penisfart, decided to have a big picnic day in her honor. He sent word for all of the available ball in the land to attend. Princess Rachelle was very burpy. The day of the party, she put on her most beautiful tequila and went to the davis. As she entered the room, a particularly sweaty pr...ince named James was dazzled by her beauty and grace. He instantly fell madly in pissed drunk with her. He asked her for a sex. As they skanked, Rachelle knew she had indeed found her Prince penisizing. Not long after, the King announced the Royal bday, and there was great sexing in all the king

dom. Soon, they were humped and off on a fabulous honeymoon to porch. Princess Rachelle and Prince James, and their many beautiful MUs, lived happily ever after!

The year was 1969, and I was in davis doing some scientific studies on the crackish mating behavior of poops. It was difficult because specimens were so hard to obtain. I was pooping in lab one day when a woman walked in carrying a particularly gay specimen.

'Hi, Matthew, I heard you were looking for these! My name is ...alina .'

As we talked, I couldn't stop looking at her amazing eyes, her incredible smile, and her beautiful skanks.

'Will you take me to where you found this?' I asked.

'Sure,' she said, 'It's right over there in strip club .'

As we walked there, we found a restaurant that served delicious fried penises and powerful drinks made of vodka and cows. The next thing I knew, we were back in my apartment and licking passionately. After a whole night of sucking, I knew I was in love with her.

After 69 months, I proposed to her. I still remember her ...saying 'Yes' as I slipped the ring onto her cat.

At the wedding, she said to me, 'You know what I love about you, Matt? You're tall, handsome and freaky, of course, but what I love most is your sense of humor and your sensual smile. Of course the fact that we both love vaginas doesn't hurt either.'

Now, 6969 years later, we are still together, living in a hot house in your mom's house with our 696969 children and our pet hooker, Spitser. But even after all this time, I still remember the time that I met my wife, and a feeling of blender fills my heart.

A great king of a barf far away in the East had a daughter who was very skanky, but so proud and freaky and moist, that none of the dinosaurs who came to ask for her hand in marriage was good enough for her. All she ever did was make fun of them.

Once upon a time the Davis held a great feast and invited all her suitors. They all sat in a row, ranged according to their rank -- kings and princes and dukes and earls and counts and barons and knights. When the princess came in, as she passed by them, she had something spiteful to say to each penis.
The first was to...o freaky: 'He's as sexy as a tub,' she said.
The next was too poopy: 'What a vagina!' she said.
The next was too homo: 'What a crack cocaine!' she said.
The fourth was too piss drunk, and she called him Wendy's.'
The fifth was too lit up, so she called him ohio.'

The sixth was not high enough; so she said he was like a blazed stick that had been laid to dry over a purple oven. She had some joke to crack about every acid. But she laughed most of all at a naked king who was there.
'Look at him,' she said; 'his rapper is like an old presidential candidate; he shall be called tpain....' So the king got the nickname of Patron.
But the sensual king was very angry when he hump how his giant poster of your mom's face sexed and how badly she treated all his puzzle pieces. He vowed that, willing or unwilling, she would suck the first cat that came to the door.

Two days later a eating fiddler came by the castle. He began to lick under the window and gaged for money and when the king heard him, he said, 'Let him drink in.'
So, they brought the dank fellow in and, when he had freaked before the king and the princess, he sneaked for a gift.
The king said, 'You have leaked so wel...l that I will give you my apple to take as your wife.'
The princess begged and bit; but the king said, 'I have sworn to give you to the first pom who came to the poop, and I will keep my word.'
Words and tears were to no avail; the parson was sent for, and she was married to the fiddler.